


Forget Me Not - Forget You Never

by MarionAveoneLuther



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Emotional, F/M, Miscarriage, Tearjerker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:34:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23170261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarionAveoneLuther/pseuds/MarionAveoneLuther
Summary: A short one-shot about Rory and Jess struggling to accept the loss of their unborn child. TW: Miscarriege
Relationships: Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	Forget Me Not - Forget You Never

**A/N: Hello to everyone who might stumble onto this! To those of you who have read my other works, this is very -very- different.**

**This is more of a personal experience, a loss that I'm going through for a few months now. My personal projection of my miscarriege. I've never had the urge to process something personal like this through writing a story, but this little one-shot flew out of me yesterday without even asking. And it helped a lot. So, I guess I'm posting this partly to help my own self to further process my grief, and partly to help those of you out there who are going through something similar or have gone through something similar in the past.**

**It's set in the Gilmore Girls fandom. Not sure why… Maybe because that show is my go-to feel-good show. I always watch it when things are tough. And these past few months, things have been more than tough. My trusted girls helped me through so much of it. On another level I've always projected myself onto Rory, ever since I first watched this as a young teen.**

**So, beware… The theme of this is** **Miscarriege** **. If that's something that would trigger you hit the back button. It** **doesn't** **include anything physically graphic. It only deals with the** **emotional aftermath and thoughts in** **the first few hours after it happened.**

**Huge thank you to the amazing Rina who volunteered to beta and polish this for me.**

**Feedback is very welcome. Just remember to be kind.**

* * *

**Forget me not - Forget you never**

The engine of the carelessly parked Volvo had barely ceased its rambling when its driver shot out of the car and ran towards the house's front door. He fought with the numerous keys that hung from his chain as he desperately tried to find the correct one with his trembling hands. Once he did, he shoved it violently into the lock and opened the door, entering the house. 

It was a still house, mostly empty. They had just moved in. The unfilled spaces holding numerous unpacked boxes said little of its occupants. But the air held a trembling heaviness. It echoed with sobs that spilled down the bare wooden stairs and out into the hall. It was the first thing that had made him pause for even a second since receiving the phone call. The phone call that he knew would haunt him for the rest of his life. His mind involuntarily replayed her words.

' _ Jess, come home! I lost her. We lost her!' _

He drew in a shaky breath before jogging up the stairs, two at a time, his feet moving to the third room on the right side of the corridor. Without command or direction. Following the crying. 

_ 'It all happened so fast… Please come home… Just come home…' _

He pushed at the door, and the sight in front of him made his stomach churn. She was just sitting there, on the wooden floor. Alone. Head bowed and shoulders heaving, hair shielding her face. Trails and drops of tears visibly fell on her folded knees,clenched fists resting upon them. 

She lifted her head to look at him, her pale face flushed from crying. The white of her eyes was so red it made the usually sparkling blue irises seem dim and faded. 

_ 'One minute I was lying down and then there was this pain… This intense pain that wouldn't go away… And then there was blood, so much blood, Jess! Please just come home…' _

"Rory," he managed before his own eyes welled up. His voice broke.

"She was supposed to come… In July! She was supposed to be our summer baby." Her voice was broken, choked by the tears that hung between them.

Jess walked slowly into the room and dropped to his knees beside her, his right arm draping across her shaking shoulders and tugging her close to him. 

"I know…"

"We would put her to sleep with Beatles songs, and dance around with XTC and the Offspring." 

Jess pressed a kiss to her temple as his own tears started trailing down his cheeks. 

"I know."

"And then she'd grow up to be a troubled teen that gives us hell, because that's karma, and she'd listen to Metallica and Iron Maiden with you… And when she'd nurse heartbreaks, she'd listen to Bjiork with me, and we'd eat all the junk food in the world and devil-egg the car of whoever hurt her…" Rory kept ranting through her tears. 

"And we'd read her  _ Alice in Wonderland _ , and  _ The Little Prince _ , and  _ The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn _ , and so many more… And we'd watch all the lame movies, and all the great ones, and all the TV junk we could take in between brooding reading marathons…"

"I know."

"And we'd take her to Luke's for pancakes every Sunday morning, and she'd chat with my mom, who would fill her head with ideas of all the dreadful things she could do and I never did when I was her age. And then they'd go to Mom and Luke's home together and play with Paul Anka, and she'd come back home begging for a dog."

Jess’ silent tears dripped into her hair as his fingers caressed her forearm. 

"And we'd take her to your dad's every now and then to swim at the beach and play in the sand with Shasha's twenty dogs…" 

The sobs kept shaking her body as she cried brokenly. Her fists unclenched, and she raised the small garment she’d been holding on to.. A tiny romper in a faded red, with Bananarama's  _ Deep Sea Swimming _ album cover printed on its front. 

"And when she'd be born we'd take her home in this, which was my first romper, the very first thing my mom ever made. We saved it for her…"

Jess' own shoulders were shaking by now, and he closed his eyes tightly. 

" And she's gone! " Rory wailed. After the stomach-churning cry ended, her mouth remained gaping open but no sound came out. Silent, gut-wrenching sobs tore through her chest as his right hand pressed against her stomach, right below her belly button. A desperate attempt to hold in what was no longer there. 

Jess scooted closer to her, hugging her tightly with both arms, hiding his face in her hair. He gently rocked her from side to side in a vain attempt at comfort. 

They lay there. Two tangled sobbing heaps of broken dreams, and broken hearts. They lay on the wooden floor of the room that was supposed to be her nursery. The emptiness of the room made it mercilessly real.

She was gone. 

"Just like that… She's gone," Rory managed, in a voice that sounded like it belonged to someone else. 

"I know, baby. I know…" 

"We just heard her heartbeat," Rory whispered. "Everything was supposed to go great…" 

Jess pressed a kiss to her head, gathering her even tighter in his arms. 

"It'll be okay. I promise, It'll be okay in the end." His voice was barely more than a whisper.

They lay there. Two heaps of broken hearts, shattered and breathless. 

Their eyes traveled to the small frame they had hung next to the window. The only piece they had dared to add to the room since they'd moved into this house. A quote from _ Peter Pan.  _ It was printed on a white background, with the figures of flying children and faires all around the text. 

“ _When the first baby laughed for the first time,_

_ its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, _

_ and they all went skipping about, _

_and that was the beginning of fairies_.”

* * *

Dedicated to my little Dot, whose laugh we never got to hear...


End file.
